I have a love/hate relationship with my scalp. Rather, the fact that I can see more of it than I would like. On my ‘good’ days, the more-or-less balanced part of my brain says “you’re 46, that’s a reality, get a buzzcut and be done with it. it’s one less thing you have to fuck with.” Then, the mischievous little imp that is forever 18 years old climbs up to my other shoulder and pricks at my vanity. Currently, I’m in a phase where I’ve given in to the imp.
The imp has convinced me to try the one last thing I have never tried: Minoxidil. Because I’m 46, and I’m a vain little bastard sometimes. The little fuckers that dreamed this shit up in the lab say that I ought to see something after about 30 days or so if I rub this greasy crap on the top of my scalp twice a day. A little fun fact about Roley: I hate greasy crap of pretty much any kind, anywhere on me. It’s a texture thing. I can’t stand it. Lotion on my hands? NO. I’d rather get the hose again and again and again. And yet, here I am. Because vanity.
A couple years ago I tried Tea Tree Shampoo, and it wasn’t a total loss; I saw nothing to tell me that I had any hair growth, but I did find I liked Tea Tree Shampoo a lot. Now I have this stuff called Nioxin. The smart-assed lady at the Great Clips that I will never leave convinced me to try it.
“Does your wife know you’re doing this?”, she asked.
“No.”, I replied.
“Because she’s just going to laugh?”
“Right. So clearly I can go home for this abuse.”
“That’ll be 35 bucks. Does your vanity hurt worse than your wallet?”
“Kind of a coin flip right now.”
“I like you. At least you’re honest about being a dumbass.”
Frankly, I wouldn’t trade exchanges like this with the people in my life for any amount of money. Not only because they do keep me honest, but in some weird corner of my imagination, I see Aaron Sorkin writing dialog furiously based on these moments. That is a universe I would very much like to inhabit. A universe where everyone has razor-sharp wit, is remarkably intelligent, and not for nothing, a full head of hair.
I give this until June, after which I shave my head and nuke the bathroom mirror.
SnarkyLinks after the jump.
Matt Scheffer talks about his social media addiction, and probably yours. Definitely mine. Money Quote: "Like taking a vacation from a part time job, I had a lot of time on my hands. Checking to see if anyone had acknowledged digital me existed was a task, and it consumed so much of my time that, without it, I ended up with more time in my hands than Kanye has time for Kanye.” I took a social media sabbatical in July of 2015. I’m more convinced that this may need to happen again. I’ve already taken Facebook off my phone. Pages Manager still exists because I’m creating. However, I’m not consuming. Twitter is another matter entirely, and the reason I really need a life.
Cassie Dagostino subscribed to push notifications from 12 News Outlets for a month. I won’t resort to clickbait here, but suffice it to say that each org she subscribed to had very different ways of saying the same thing. Yes, Fox News was one of them. Yes, they did what you’re expecting them to do.
New YouTube Pro to watch, just subscribed to him today. Peter McKinnon, who will help us make better videos. The 8 hacks in 90 seconds video is worth the time all by itself.
Sometimes, you just need to say fuck it and watch a kid drive a Soviet Minivan. Because fuck it. Looking at this, I wonder if Jeremy Clarkson saw this and then had a brilliant idea...
I kinda want to write about Mr. Sessions (Or Keebler Elf, Esq. if you prefer), but let's be honest: That's either going to right itself or it wont. For me it boils down to two possible explanations, and neither of them are good. You're either lying, or you're incompetent. I'll leave it to you to decide which of those options is less frightening.