Q An A-Hole: What Podcast do you recommend to relax before sleep?
A-Hole: You know, if there’s one thing I and the people around me enjoy, it’s my inability to sleep for more than about 3 hours at a time. That’s even with limiting my caffeine after a certain time, not eating anything carb heavy after a certain point in the evening, and with taking something like melatonin. I’m a regular fucking bundle of sunshine on any day of the week, but especially sunny on days when I can’t sleep.
So I ask you, dear Q’er: Why in the blue hell would I screw up my almost non-existent sleep pattern any further by introducing my phone or my tablet into this situation? You want me dead, don’t you? DON’T YOU?
I don’t really give a crap about the whole blue ray thing. It might be a thing, it might not. What IS a thing is staying up late because I have to get to the end of the podcast, or I’m mindlessly scrolling through social media timelines. If the electronics are not in the bedroom, then I can’t.
I read a book (OK, I use a Kindle Paperwhite), for anywhere from a half hour to an hour before bedtime. I put my phone on the charger, I read my book until I get drowsy, and then I try to get to sleep. That’s it.
I saw the other day that someone sells a bed for your phone, and there’s a little ritual of you tucking your phone into bed and…I dunno, sing it a fucking lullaby. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I swear to God if you so much as beep…”, something like that. Clearly, these are people that never got over the death of their Tamagotchis.
Just put the fucking phone down, pick a book and read. Try it. After your eyelids start drooping and you’re reading the same four words over and over because you dozed off, I think you’ll get the idea it’s beddy-bye time.