Q an A-Hole: What common mistakes should all new podcasters avoid?

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I’m so glad you asked this question, because while there are a lot of podcast gurus out there that are going to give you tips like getting a decent mic and a good podcast host and making sure you edit the audio to make everyone sound good, no one ever gives you the really good stuff.  The stuff you really need to avoid to start out well in your podcast career.   I’m here to help.

I would avoid having having any semblance of a normal stable existence.  If you do have a normal stable existence, you might be a disadvantage when it comes to actual material.  In other words, you’re going to have to actually talk about something specific instead of that time your Mom left you alone in the JC Penneys right at closing time and you thought the mannequins were screaming. 

I would avoid selling your soul to Satan.  Now, when I say this to people asking about starting a podcast, they usually think I’m talking about The Man, or corporate sponsors, or things along those lines.  No, I’m actually talking about the Horned Beast himself.  Admittedly, he comes floating in on a Casper mattress these days, but I’m here to tell you he stays the entire 100 days, and the smell?  YOU DO NOT WANT. 

Finally, I would avoid sunlight.  I know it has harmful UV Rays, and it can make a 25 year old surfer dude look like a 75 year old baseball glove by Labor Day, but this has more to do with the rep.  Your skin should be noticeably green from staying under those fluorescent lights in the basement.   There should be body odor.  Not oppressive, just enough to remind humans to keep a safe distance or you’ll break out the Zoom H4n and try to interview them.  You should have no less then 5 TShirts from other podcasts, bonus if you have a sixth one that says ASK ME ABOUT MY PODCAST.  The only thing that would make that better is if you were podcasting about being a Vegan Podcasting CrossFit Vinyl Enthusiast who sells ThirtyOne bags full of essential oils and detox shakes.

Embrace this knowledge and prosper.