DISPATCH: Sept 6th, 2015
The beginning of the letting go.
I have a friend who recently took her daughter to college, and it's been weighing on me a little because I look at my kids--two of which are grown, although they are autistic--and I wonder when, if ever, you begin to let go.
My daughter is starting 9th grade this year, and soon she'll be heading off. My middle child has 'graduated' from the school part of his life and has taken an internship at a local hospital. My oldest, who has the most pronounced case of autism of the two--is back at school this year, and I honestly wonder if I'll be looking after him for the rest of his life. I'd do it gladly, of course; I'd not see him 'put' anywhere else but with his family that loves him.
It is not my general practice to discuss my children's autism. I'm not an advocate, nor am I any kind of activist for Autism 'awareness'. However, in the case of them reaching adulthood and my letting them go, I have to confess that I am terrified for them.
Will my boys be able to find meaningful work? Will they find friendship and companionship? Will they be able to be truly independent human beings that can handle their affairs?
I have to trust that Mom and I have done our absolute best, and I think we have. It still scares me a bit.
I've said this before, but it bears repeating: I am the sum of the experiences that have brought me to this moment right now. It's hard to remember that there are people that float in and out of your life that only see you through the same window they always did. Harder still when you recognize that they, too, have evolved.
Recently, I had to recognize this in another person, and recognize the person they had become was no longer a positive influence in my life. Every interaction I had with this person was like a Jackson Pollock Painting, with bitterness being the only color splattered across the canvas.
I have no room for bitter and negative. That's not who I am (now), that's not what I want to be (anymore). Moreover, it's not my place to point out to that person that they aren't the person THEY used to be, because neither am I. We simply evolve, and sometimes we just fall out of orbit with people over time.
Thankfully, though, it's very few and far between.
Trust in Karma, but don't ever expect that Karma returns as quickly as good old fashioned working your butt off can.
A brief recognition that today is Roger Waters' birthday. I am hard pressed to think of a thing that has more of a profound effect on my brain than the music of Pink Floyd and the lyrics of Roger Waters. Happy Birthday Roger, and thank you.
On this Labor Day Weekend, take a moment to think about how you can return to whatever it is you do on Tuesday and stop working for the sake of work alone. Identify, Improve, Teach, Serve...